I am a Monkey

It has been like a year since I have put an update in this otherwise extremely active blog, so I thought if I already have spent like a cumulative of 50 dollars to keep this place up, I might just as well use it again for therapeutic purposes. I wish I could share what I am going through lately, but it is not interesting enough for you to read about. I will write some of the related stuff at the bottom, after I bring up the main point of this post.

There are some people on this planet, who are so intelligent, that when you set me to be standing right next to them, I will look nothing more than a literate monkey. One of such people is Manolis Kellis, who is a professor at MIT, and knows enough about biology and computer science to leave my mouth gaping for a week. In a recent podcast with him (link), when discussing Neuralink, he uttered the following sentence:
“… Imagine if we could connect brains directly to each other. The amount of information that I am condensing into a small number of words is a huge funnel, which then you receive and you expand into a huge number of thoughts from that small funnel. In many ways, engineers would love to have the whole information transfer – just take the whole set of neurons and throw them to the other person. This might actually not be better, because in your misinterpretation of every word that I am saying, you are creating a new interpretation that might actually be way better than what I meant in the first place. The ambiguity of language, perhaps, might be the secret to creativity…”

It took me at least four rewinds to be able to quote him properly, and he managed to pull it off his head live. I have no words really, if ever in my life I manage to create a sentence as good as the one above, I’d be guaranteed to die in peace. Even if it is testicular cancer which kills me.

I even put the above quote in a YouTube comment on the same video because it was so good (and before even deciding upon writing about this here). As a side note, just by quoting the guy, I learned so much about my tendencies in writing and how different they are from the perfection you see above. So if you ever think about writing, practice it for a while, and see if you manage to quote something good properly and this might help you to improve. This for sure showed me how much I suck; But hey, at least I could understand what he was saying, so that should account for something right?

Now for another enlightenment: During the past few months, YouTube started suggesting me videos by some damn good therapist named Daniel J. Fox. A lot of his videos are about borderline personality disorder and traits, and he even has a workbook which can effectively be used for therapy(either self therapy, or to be used by a professional). I highly recommend checking him out if you are just slightly insane. (I personally find myself more of batshit crazy, so he helps me a lot.) To sum up what happened – it seems like YouTube managed to both diagnose me, and recommend me the proper treatment; Something which no other therapist successfully done so far (I have seen quite a few in my 31 years of age). Now I am looking for a therapist, hurray. Wish me luck, and pray that neither me nor my future therapist will kill ourselves in the following year or so. (I think the latter is actually a bit more likely than the former, even when carefully considering the circumstances.)

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